Growing up in a big family is hard. It’s even harder when you’re the only sober one. In fact, my brother, sister, mother and father were all alcoholics. It wasn’t easy, but through the pain and hardship I learned a lot about my family, love, addiction, and life itself. These lessons took me a long time to learn, but hopefully they can make the journey a little less difficult for you or someone you love.
1. Love, but Protect Yourself Addiction robs us of who we truly are. You might look at your parents or siblings, and not recognize the person looking back at you. This can make it hard to put all of your love and confidence in them, and that’s normal. It’s hard to stop caring about the people in your family, but you can do so from a distance. Alcoholism robs us of our better judgment, and alcoholics might hurt the people they care about most. This is why it’s important to love from a distance. 2. Talk it Out Talking is important, but it can feel impossible when everyone around you is drunk, or uncomfortable talking about their alcoholism. However, it’s important to sit down and talk with them about their problem in a non-confrontational manner. It can help ease tension, and make it clear to them how much their alcoholism is affecting you, as they might not know the true extent of the pain they’re causing.It’s also essential to take care of yourself when people in your support circle are alcoholics. Make it a point to talk about what you’re going through, whether it be with family, friends, or even a therapist. Expressing how you feel openly and honestly can help you come to terms with what you’re facing, and make you more comfortable facing the everyday struggles those with alcoholics in their family deal with. 3. Don’t Expect to be Able to Save Them Alcoholism tends to override our better judgment. Many alcoholics know that they need treatment, but refuse to get it for a variety of reasons, like fear, doubt, loss of control, and not wanting to live without the comfort alcohol provides. For these reasons, it’s important to understand that there’s very little you can do to actually stop someone who has alcoholism from drinking. You can’t force them into alcohol rehab, and if an individual is forced to overcome their addiction, they’re much more likely to relapse in the future. Recovery has to come from within. The most you can do is make it clear they have your support if they ever decide that they need treatment. 4. Learn About Alcoholism It’s important to learn about alcoholism for a few reasons. First, being able to recognize the physical signs and symptoms of alcoholism can help you stop a serious addiction before it gets any worse. Secondly, it can help you to accept what’s happening. Alcoholism is complicated. It’s hard to control,and even harder to stop. There’s no consensus about how alcoholism starts, but it’s likely the combination of genetic factors, family history, ease of access, and personal trauma. Alcoholism often isn’t under the control of the person affected by it. Alcoholism controls them, which is why it’s important to remember: 5. It’s Not Their Fault Alcoholism is a disease, and it’s one that’s often impossible to control. While they may have chosen to drink at first, it’s more a necessity now than anything. Alcoholism rewires the brain, and withdrawals are very real and very painful. To actually quit drinking seems and feels impossible for those with alcoholism. For this reason, it’s important to not place too much blame on an individual struggling with alcoholism. But it’s also important not to place too much blame on yourself, either. 6. It’s Not Yours, Either Many people blame themselves when a loved one becomes an alcoholic, especially if they’re a family member. Don’t get stuck blaming yourself for the actions of your loved one. There are tons of factors that influence whether or not someone is an alcoholic, and they’re outside of your influence or control. Blaming yourself will only cause you more pain, and won’t help remedy the situation in any way. The most you can do is offer your support when they’re ready, and forgive them if they aren’t. 7. Forgive This is the step I, and many individuals like me, have struggled with the most. Forgiveness seems out of the question when an alcoholic loved one betrays you or hurts you in a significant way. It’s normal to feel that way. However, it’s important to remember that alcoholism robs an individual of who they really are. Like any disease, alcoholism can’t be turned off, and isn’t a choice. While it may take time, it’s important to make an effort to forgive your loved ones. It doesn’t mean to have to accept or forget what they’ve done, but coming to peace with their affliction can help you move forward with your own life.None of these steps are easy, but in time they can make living with an alcoholic easier. The most important thing you can do is make it clear you’re there for them when they’re ready to seek treatment. It’s important to remember that, while you may be struggling with their alcoholism, so are they. Be there for them when they need you, but be there for yourself, too. It’s hard to live with alcoholics, but keeping these seven things in mind can help you stay in a healthy mindset and make your life in a family of alcoholics that much easier.
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Speaking From Experience: ADHD in the WorkplaceLiving with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, more commonly known as ADHD, can be a struggle. Maintaining a successful career with it, however, can be a much greater challenge. Even in acareer you find extremely rewarding, you may feel distracted, bored, or have difficult committing yourself to even the simplest of tasks. You’re not alone - over 50 million people suffer from ADHD, many of them in the working world. It may be tough, but it’s not impossible to have both ADHD and a rewarding career you can excel in and enjoy. It may be a challenge, but understanding both your needs and ADHD can make a world of difference.
Understanding your needs is just as important as understanding ADHD itself, because once you know what you need to work at your best, success will definitely follow. If you suffer from some of the common side effects of ADHD, don’t be afraid to try some of these techniques to help make your work a little easier. If you’re feeling hyperactive - ●Many of us have jobs that don’t involve a lot of movement, to say the least. In occupations like these, it’s normal to start feeling a little anxious or have some pent up energy. If you start feeling this way, there’s a few things you can do to help you get back on track. ●Exercise. Even if it’s just a short walk up and down the stairs, doing so can help you burn off extra energy that’s keeping you from being able to focus on your work. Studies have shownthat exercise actually works like a drug to combat the side effects of ADHD, so use it to your advantage! ●Pace your work. Sometimes it can help to set up a personal schedule that can help you pace your work and allow you to stay focused while burning off energy. Getting up every 30 minutes or so to meet with other coworkers, turn in work, or simply print or make copies. Doing so will break up your day and help you feel less hyperactive. If you’re feeling distracted - ●Focus on just one task. Even for those not struggling with ADHD, it’s easy to become overwhelmed with a seemingly endless supply of different tasks at work. Focus on just one thing at a time. Doing so will improve the quality of your work while allowing you to complete it in a timely and focused manner. ●Remove all other distractions. In an office, there’s so many distractions that sometimes staying focused on your work will feel impossible. Counteract this buy playing music or white noise in headphones to keep you in the zone, or by requesting a separate office, room, or cubicle to do your work. These small changes can make a big difference in helping you stay focused. If you’re procrastinating or struggling with time management - ●Break down single tasks. Breaking down large tasks can help you stay focused along the way. You might even consider rewarding yourself for each individual piece of the task you finish along the way. ●Work with others. Sometimes, working with others can help you stay on task. They might be more effective at time management, and working with them directly can keep you from procrastinating. ●Keep a planner. For many with ADHD, keeping a calendar or planner handy is a great way to stay on task and focused. For those who don’t want to bother with pen and paper, there are thousands of great smartphone apps that are designed to help you manage your time more effectively. If you’re having difficulty interacting with coworkers - ●Get feedback. It’s okay to ask for feedback from coworkers, especially if you’re not sure how your behavior is being perceived. Getting real constructive criticism or advice is the first step towards change. ●Focus on what’s not said. Many with ADHD struggle with picking up on nonverbal social cues in conversations. Try focusing on not just what’s being said, but how it’s being said too. Eventually, you’ll come to understand and be aware of many of the social cues your coworkers give off. ●Ask for autonomy. Don’t be afraid to apply for jobs or positions with greater autonomy. Sometimes working with others can be incredibly overwhelming and impact the quality of your work. To do the best you can, don’t be afraid to go after a position that plays to your strengths, and not to your weaknesses. Working around ADHD is impossible. Instead, learn to integrate it and work with it. For those that don’t struggle with ADHD, be attentive and understanding of the needs your coworker has. It can be difficult to deal with ADHD, even with therapy and drug treatments like Daytrana or Concerta. Substance abuse is always a risk, and the side effects of these drugs can actually make managing a healthy and rewarding career more difficult. Instead, understanding what you need to do the best work you’re capable of is arguably the best way to handle ADHD in the workplace. With these techniques, some patience, and some understanding, you’ll be living distraction-free and doing work you can be proud of in no time. |
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